Is Potential and Actual Violence a Lifestyle Choice?

I received a text at 1:30AM in the morning, but I didn't see it until later that morning at 10:00AM.  The text read something to the fact that her fiance had choked her and threw her around.  A close friend of mine who was dating a guy I was already skeptical about had just attacked her during an argument and violently choked her and violently threw her around.  This was only a week ago.  She is rare as she is one of the few who got away and is currently safe and away from him.  Someone who had been verbally abusive and now took it to a level of physical abuse.

The picture above shows a screen capture of the recent release by TMZ of the elevator camera showing Ray Rice punching his then fiance twice and her falling and hitting her head on the rail and was knocked out cold. The whole ferver of what he did, his fiances defense of her abuser (while seeming to blame herself), the criticism of the NFL, and the commissioner seems to be overlooking a lot of the calls I seem to hear in sports radio and talk radio of guys defending Ray Rice.  It sickens me.  Ray Rices' fiance's defense of her abuser, later marriage of her abuser, and hiding the evidence of the abuse sickens me as well (but I know it is common place).

This made me think that it is possible and without knowing it the culture is both rebuking domestic violence and promoting films like Fifty Shades of Grey which promote sexual violence in a relationship as something that is ok and acceptable.  Outside of the American pop cultural hypocrisy, there seems to be an underlying current that domestic violence is a lifestyle choice and what happens behind close doors of two consenting adults is none of our business.  Even if it is abuse.  Some women take on a slave to master relationship which on some level seems to have restrictions on physical harm or being directed to do anything criminal, but even then the lines seem blurred in these shades of grey.

The linked article points to a Journal of Women's Health study, points out that women who read 50 Shades of Grey are more likely to have abusive partners who are abusive beyond what the book describes.  

While Christianity's recent past and English Common law has a history of allowing and even institutionalizing abuse against women as twisting the marriage relationship and scripture to allow a man to be "Lord" of his house and marriage.  While there is much more to be written on that subject, it is clear to understand that the role of the man to be like Christ and the woman to be like the church is not an abusive love but a love of self-sacrifice.  Again much can also be written on this subject and the Theology of Marriage but that isn't my main focus in this blog post.  What my concern is that there is at some level an acceptance and a popularization of abuse in relationships that seems innocent and "exciting" on a sexual level, but leaves huge blurred lines allowing abuse to be dismissed, hidden, popular, excused, deemed a "lifestyle," and given cultural relevance as an accepted form of a healthy relationship.  It seems that the psychosis in abused women to excuse, love their abuser to the end, and defend him was bad enough, but to now give moral and legal/lifestyle/cultural relevance seems to harken to a time when twisted scripture and courts gave the same moral and legal/cultural relevance of abuse then.  

I happened to run by this video today and I thought it was ironic in terms of all that seems to have happened in my life recently and with the national conversation on domestic abuse.

 

When Indie Repeats Itself

I'm a pretty big movie fan.  At last count I was at 1189 movies watched.  That is by no means a record, but it is also more than most I presume.  So I tend to also know a lot about different movies.  Even some I have never seen.

So when I heard about this interesting film starring the old Batman, Michael Keaton as a washed up actor who played a superhero called (and the movie is called) Birdman then it caught  my attention.  Since I am a Keaton fan and a fan of his portrayal of Batman.



However, after watching this trailer it occurred to me that this film has kinda already been done.  Or at least the concept has been done before.  Someone past their occupational prime and at a personal crisis.  Trying to put together a play.  Surreal and post-modern mix of fantasy, special effects, and reality.  This reminds me so much of Synecdochne, New York.

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Watch each trailer.  Doesn't it seem like basically the same film?  If you have seen both films, let me know if the actual films are pretty similar. 

What Happens When Laughter Isn't The Best Medicine?

There are and there will be millions of words written and said about Robin Williams.  Words of praise, sorrow and some of scorn or even indifference.  To start out, I was a fan of Williams for the most part. Enjoyed his films both comedy and drama.  Even if I didn't agree with everything he said or stood for, I appreciated his comedic and acting talent.  I also can't say I know much about his mental condition specifically.  I can't speak to his mindset.  Nobody can really.  At least not specifically up to the point where he took a very real step of suicide. This isn't a post to condemn him or analyze him specifically.

What I've noticed on the news coverage is the praise of his talent and his ability to deal with his depression with comedy.  This is what it appears many comics do and probably many people who are not by profession a comedian.  However, nobody seems to point out that the comedy may have dealt with or covered his depression, but it ultimately did not save him from himself.  

This is not some criticism of comedy like some curmudgeon monk like in The Name of the Rose who tries to destroy Aristotle's' Book on Comedy. I think one of God's attributes is that of humor and one attribute rarely examined. However, even if God and scripture uses humor, it is not God's primary way of either expressing himself or saving mankind.  Love, faithfulness, grace, mercy, patience, forgiveness and sacrifice are ways in which God seeks to save humanity. 

So then a few questions:  What good is comedy to humanity and the Christian?  Could faith and God save those who suffer from depression from taking their lives?

As Bob Deffinbaugh answers in the article/question titled, "Does God Have a Sense of Humor?", comedy is a tool used by God (and used as a literary and teaching device in scripture). Thus, since God created things to be funny, God must have a sense of humor.  Comedy is good for people generally and Christians specifically to be used as a tool in life and teaching.  Comedy is disarming and disarms skeptical people who would otherwise ignore anything anyone says no matter how logical or inspired. Comedy has physical benefits of the body and mind which are the temple of the Holy Spirit.  Comedy is helpful in drawing close family and friends and building the community and Body of Christ.  These are just some of the many benefits of comedy.  However, it is only a tool toward a greater goal of the ongoing salvation of man which include things such as unity, community, and taking care of the body and life God has given us.  

Could faith in Christ have saved Robin Williams or anyone suffering from depression?  Well it all depends on how you define "saved."  Could faith in Christ save anyone suffering from depression?  Absolutely if that saving means salvation from ultimately spiritual death. However, there are Christians who suffer from depression and have killed themselves.  Without getting into the debate about suicide, sin and salvation, I will say that faith and salvation in Christ will not necessarily heal everyone of their physical and mental maladies.  While God can and does heal people physically and mentally, it is never a guarantee that God will restore us whole this side of heaven or His second coming.  As Paul can testify, physical maladies may even come after one comes to faith in Christ and salvation through Him.  We will still struggle with certain temptations, certain thoughts, certain pains, and certain mental conditions.  Many times these conditions will also be tools and teaching aids God uses to teach and guide us and/or others.  It is a tool towards salvation.  Many times it is difficult to see how a malady or condition will ultimately lead toward salvation, but God uses everything in His time and His way if we believe he uses all things for our good who are in Him (Romans 8:28).

It seems like Robin Williams even said it himself that comedy can be a front not only to deal with pain and depression, but as a wall keep people away or not reveal the true person who is in pain.  This would seem to show that comedy was at times counter-productive.  If you make someone laugh maybe that person will not ask what made you cry. 

An additional and very insightful article: Robin Williams's Laughter Masked A Deadly Disease  

  

twenty one pilots: Trees (Audio)

I recently realized how much this song goes with my blog post below on Jonah & Elijah.

Self-Pity & Apathy: The Personal Space of God, Elijah and Jonah

We all have our personal space.  These zones or boundaries, as Edward Hall in 1966 observed, measured personal space to be anything less than 1.5ft.  The zones vary from culture to culture and personal experience.  I'm sure an introvert like me has a different length of personal space than an extrovert.

I say all this because something made me think about the personal space we tend to give God or not give God.  What zone is God in our lives.  For an atheist it will be different than for a theist or Christian.  However, even for a Christian who has the Holy Spirit in his or her heart, do we at times try to push away or even run away from God and seek seclusion from Him?  From the story of one such as Jonah that seems to be true.  As a believer there are times we can run away from God or seek to fill our lives with things of the world and/or the flesh  to push God  to the fringes of not just our intimate space where He is foremost in our thoughts, prayers, worship, and love, but the fringes of personal space and even social space.  A Christian can be like the atheist and seek to push God into just the "public space" of church or the general public.  Even then the Christian or run away believer who has become more theist or agnostic may seek to push away or run away from God than the atheist or agnostic who has never believed and be more open to the things of God.

In the stories of both Elijah and Jonah, both men at some point in their story and walk with God run into a moment of severe self-pity and apathy about their situation and God's heart for others.  It is in this moment that they either are given or find the solace of God and a shaded tree.  To me a shade can be something that isn't just a covering, but the shadow of a tree is a salve for the skin against a sometimes harsh sun.  Something so large casts a shadow that touches the intimacy of our space, our skin, our thoughts and our well-being.  Even in scripture the shadow of His wing (Psalm 91:4) is symbolic of His protection and care. Elijah and Jonah both have become apathetic toward God's people, frustrated with their situation, and both seek death from God.  It is in this that they both seek shelter and recluse from the city.  Elijah finds a tree to sleep under and God through His angel provides and takes care of Elijah.  Jonah builds himself a shelter, but God gives him more shade through a miraculous tree to give Jonah.  God goes to where they are at, their low point and seeks to comfort them.  The Holy Spirit does the same for us everyday.  Seeking to comfort.  Jesus did the same to Peter in seeking to minister and talk to Peter after his bitter betrayal toward Jesus.  Yet, Elijah enters into this care and rest with a self-pity and apathy that still sorrowed for the people who rejected God.  Jonah enters into this care and rest with self-pity and apathy that gives no sorrow for the people who do not know God, but sorrow for himself.  It is self-focused, but yet God still seeks to reach out to Jonah, to teach Jonah, to love upon and comfort Jonah like a spoiled child who doesn't see the greater picture beyond his own nose.  Is it in this where God seeks to both teach each men about His nature.



God sought to enter and be with them to comfort them in that very personal space.  Elijah sought to let him in by not seeking his own flesh, but mourning the faithlessness of others and allowing God to teach him.  Jonah while seeking to flee from God to the point of death still sits and pushes God from the intimacy of his heart by seeking to fill his heart of selfish flesh and possibly not listening to what God is trying to teach him.  Bill LaClair states that God's presence is the cure for spiritual apathy.  I believe this to be true, but of the Christian continues to push out God from his or her personal space, then God's presence cannot be utilized by that believer.  The Holy Spirit continues to mourn over the sin and allow the believer to go further astray if that is what he or she seeks.

I have felt a certain dose of self-pity and apathy this last month.  It has been a mixed bag of both being in the flesh and selfish and pushing God further out and also seeking His close intimacy to learn about His nature, to allow Him to heal me, to comfort me, and to guide me.  Many times I have overlooked His comfort in its many forms or taken it for granted.   Then I may cry about my situation when that comfort or "shade" is gone like Jonah and go into more self-pity rather than acknowledging His goodness of gifts and mourning for those who reject the Gifts He brings and offers freely.

Ana, Mia, & North Korea (revisited)

A friend of mine wanted to read this blog post I posted many moons ago.  So here it is:

This is what I get for surfing through xanga.  I was just looking at some of my blogrings Books, Books,&More Books and I checked out one of the blogs that seemed interesting called "Tear in ur eyes".  I was looking through her blogrings and I saw an interesting blogring called "Korean Anas."  Ok, I'm not a complete idiot, but I seriously didn't know what this blogring was about for like the first 5 minutes.  Then a word kept coming up in names and descriptions: "skinny."  Then it dawned on me and I was a little sickened.  I was sad just as I am always sad when I come upon a woman/girls blog specifically accounting their desire to be skinny and readily affirming their Anorexiaand/or Bulimia.  I was aware of the nick name Ana, but Mia was a new one to me.  What cute ways of describing such a sick act to afflict upon ones self.  As I looked through a few of the blogs and commented on one of them I started to think about this issue.

My ex g/f is Korean-American.  She was a very skinny girl at one time, but through college she did take on some weight.  I remember she would tell me how her Korean mother would say such rude remarks concerning her weight that would hurt her feelings deeply.  She struggled with her weight and body image issues, but it was never something that concerned me and my attraction to her.  She was not fat, but she was not skinny.  I would do my best to help her in that area and encourage her.  My primary concern was that she was "healthy" and the weight issue is secondary.  They are not necessarily the same thing.  A person can eat very well,  not go to the gym, and be "healthy."  Health is something that when you lose it, it is very difficult or impossible to gain back.  Weight can come and go. 

It also made me think of this western culture.  We create some of the worse food to eat that causes so much weight and then we worship thin.  It is a self-deprecation and self-worship to the point of uber-narcissim.  We love our "bad eating habits" and we "love being thin."  The sad part is we are exporting not only our bad eating habits, but our western narcissism to the East. 

The picture on the right above is from this article:

http://www.com.cuhk.edu.hk/varsity/9603/eat.htm Hong Kong

Also these articles:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/south_asia/2978216.stm Inidia

Anorexia Growing in Asia

For me, my main concern has been about the plight of North Koreans and specifically those starving in North Korea.  The picture on the left and especially the one picture in the middle shows a starving North Korean woman and her emaciated body.  This is in stark contrast to the picture on the right where we in the West can "chose" to emaciate ourselves for body image reasons (no matter the health problems later or then).  I don't have to point out the irony. 

The brain is a powerful thing.  I should know as someone who once struggled with anxiety attacks.  If you tell yourself something and believe it to a certian extent it is a huge struggle to confront those "natural thoughts" with logic that contradicts your way of thinking.  There are people who have a fear of many things that are irrational, but it is rational in their mind.  It is a process of unhinging that.  But on top of confronting your irrational thoughts, you need rational thoughts to replace them.  Faith (although some will say another irrational thought) in Christ helped me overcome my anxiety attacks by seeing a true prespective of who I am in Christ and what I can confront in Him.  I pray for these girls that put themselves through such horrible things, but really how far are any of us from them?

Originally posted January 29, 2008