Two good friends of mine are getting married. I have no great words of wisdom to share on this matter since I'm not married myself, but another friend of mine once shared with me a post from a FB friend of theirs who were married 19+ years and he shared "68 Reminders to Himself." I wanted to share these with them and I figured I would do it through my blog (which I sadly haven't posted much).
Here is his advice/reminders:
68 Reminders to Myself
My wife and I have been together for 19+ years. This a picture of our first Homecoming dance while we were dating in high school. Yes, I had a lot more hair back then.
God has truly blessed me with a phenomenal partner. She is my best friend and my greatest joy. She is caring, puts others above herself, passionate, thoughtful, fun, creative, and beautiful. Like all couples, we have had our share of ups and downs. I make her crazy, mostly in a good way, and sometimes in a not-so-good way. I spent a few hours last night and this morning reflecting on our relationship; what I've learned during this time, and remembering the priceless treasure I have in her. There were so many memories and thoughts in my mind that I started to put it down on paper, serving as a reference for me to come back to in the future.
After reading it through it a few times, I thought I would share these unfiltered thoughts. I paid no attention to any rules on whether something was politically correct, needed to be properly stated in the positive, could be rephrased to be more succinct, eloquent, etc.
Perhaps this snapshot of a random collection of phrases would somehow serve to help a fellow brother who needs a gentle word of encouragement. Here are 68 reminders to myself, in no particular order.
1. You are the leader of the home. Take responsibility of your wife, marriage, and family.
2. Leaders go first; first to plan, first to serve, first to apologize, first to forgive, and first to express love.
3. True power is strength under control.
4. Be nice.
5. Don't go to sleep with unresolved conflict. What marinates overnight doesn't show up in a pretty way the following day.
6. Think proactively about your wife as a forethought, not a reactive afterthought. Give her your absolute best, not leftover crumbs.
7. Kindness makes everything better.
8. Be FULLY present (put the phone/laptop down).
9. Presence during an argument means being both calm and connected.
10. Pray daily with your wife.
11. Serve her, cherish her, honor her, adore her, and lift her up.
12. A hug can go a long way. Hold her in your arms often.
13. Kiss for more than 20 seconds.
14. Schedule weekly date nights. Be creative.
15. Study your wife. Take notes on what she says, what she likes, what she talks about, and what excites her. There will be a test later.
16. Remember the vow that you made before God, family, and friends on your wedding day. Fulfill your vow!
17. Don't just listen to her words, hear what she's saying. Don't just hear what she's saying, feel what she's feeling.
18. Your wife is more important than your work.
19. Don't judge whether what she says or how she's viewing something as illogical. Not everyone is an engineer.
20. Embrace all her emotions and fully appreciate it as a gift.
21. Remember that women are great magnifiers and make everything bigger and better. Give her sperm and she makes a baby. Give her a house and she makes a home. Give her groceries and she makes a meal. So if you give her any crap ... be prepared for what's coming next.
22. The rewards outweigh any temporary discomfort. The rewards are awesome!
23. Any frustration you have is a gift and insight revealing an area of your life that needs to be strengthened and developed.
24. Take a step back and see the bigger picture. Will this matter in the long run?
25. In times of confusion, immediately pray for divine wisdom and guidance. And, when it's revealed to you, take immediate action.
26. Don't make assumptions or jump to conclusions.
27. When you say that you will do something, do it.
28. You are not a victim. Immediately shift any thoughts that resemble feeling sorry for yourself.
29. Don't be a pussy. Be a man!
30. When you are under an illusion where you have to decide between being right and being in love, always choose to be in love.
31. Pick your battles carefully.
32. Have fun together. You're on an exciting adventure, the ride of your life.
33. Be romantic. Never stop courting her.
34. Look deep into her eyes and smile at her.
35. Drop everything you're doing, and run to greet her when she comes home.
36. Look for subtle hints. Be observant.
37. Read her body language.
38. Make her laugh and tell her jokes.
39. Humor is great, but there are also times when joking is not appropriate.
40. Master all 5 love languages of quality time, gifts, acts of service, physical touch, and words of affirmation. Then, discover her language for that moment, speak it and express it often.
41. Don't win the battle, only to lose the war.
42. Melt her with your unconditional love and commitment.
43. Be prepared to be tested. She needs to know cognitively and emotionally that she can depend upon the strength and durability of your love.
44. A decision made out of anger is always a bad decision.
45. Don't use the word "divorce" to leverage your position in a fight. Or, the other person may call your bluff and the results disastrous.
46. Always present good options. Then, make good choices.
47. One of the greatest gifts you can give your children is a loving and passionate marriage.
48. Seek first to understand, before trying to be understood.
49. Don't coach your wife.
50. Give her absolute freedom to fully express whatever she feels.
51. Love never fails. If it seems like it's failing, then seek to find a fuller expression of love.
52. There are some things in life where 99.99% isn't enough - apologizing to your wife is one of them.
53. Treat your wife in a manner you want your future son-in-law to treat your daughter.
54. Your wife needs you to be an oak tree, not a sapling. Be the one that can withstand the raging winds and storms without wavering.
55. Never be too prideful to admit fault, or merely hold your stance just to win.
56. Don't be stupid.
57. If needed, know when to step away and ask for some time. Then, come back right away to talk things through fully.
58. Never take out your frustration physically during an argument. No throwing things, breaking things, hitting things (includes banging your head on the car).
59. Be quick to take responsibility and say "I'm sorry".
60. Address all issues while they are little.
61. Make sure you have accountability and a group of brothers that not only ask you how your marriage is, genuinely hear and care for you, but also be bold enough to speak the truth that you may not see.
62. Bring out her happiness. When mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy.
63. Tell her daily how beautiful she is and genuinely compliment her.
64. Give thanks and be filled with gratitude for God's gift through her.
65. When you're on travel, buy her little gifts that show you're thinking of her.
66. What's greater than seeing your wife full of radiance and inner joy?
67. There is only one person that can truly say and know that "you are a good husband". The rest is just noise.
68. Remember the birth of your children. There's nothing, absolutely NOTHING, that she can't ask of you in return that even comes close to that sacrifice.
2. Leaders go first; first to plan, first to serve, first to apologize, first to forgive, and first to express love.
3. True power is strength under control.
4. Be nice.
5. Don't go to sleep with unresolved conflict. What marinates overnight doesn't show up in a pretty way the following day.
6. Think proactively about your wife as a forethought, not a reactive afterthought. Give her your absolute best, not leftover crumbs.
7. Kindness makes everything better.
8. Be FULLY present (put the phone/laptop down).
9. Presence during an argument means being both calm and connected.
10. Pray daily with your wife.
11. Serve her, cherish her, honor her, adore her, and lift her up.
12. A hug can go a long way. Hold her in your arms often.
13. Kiss for more than 20 seconds.
14. Schedule weekly date nights. Be creative.
15. Study your wife. Take notes on what she says, what she likes, what she talks about, and what excites her. There will be a test later.
16. Remember the vow that you made before God, family, and friends on your wedding day. Fulfill your vow!
17. Don't just listen to her words, hear what she's saying. Don't just hear what she's saying, feel what she's feeling.
18. Your wife is more important than your work.
19. Don't judge whether what she says or how she's viewing something as illogical. Not everyone is an engineer.
20. Embrace all her emotions and fully appreciate it as a gift.
21. Remember that women are great magnifiers and make everything bigger and better. Give her sperm and she makes a baby. Give her a house and she makes a home. Give her groceries and she makes a meal. So if you give her any crap ... be prepared for what's coming next.
22. The rewards outweigh any temporary discomfort. The rewards are awesome!
23. Any frustration you have is a gift and insight revealing an area of your life that needs to be strengthened and developed.
24. Take a step back and see the bigger picture. Will this matter in the long run?
25. In times of confusion, immediately pray for divine wisdom and guidance. And, when it's revealed to you, take immediate action.
26. Don't make assumptions or jump to conclusions.
27. When you say that you will do something, do it.
28. You are not a victim. Immediately shift any thoughts that resemble feeling sorry for yourself.
29. Don't be a pussy. Be a man!
30. When you are under an illusion where you have to decide between being right and being in love, always choose to be in love.
31. Pick your battles carefully.
32. Have fun together. You're on an exciting adventure, the ride of your life.
33. Be romantic. Never stop courting her.
34. Look deep into her eyes and smile at her.
35. Drop everything you're doing, and run to greet her when she comes home.
36. Look for subtle hints. Be observant.
37. Read her body language.
38. Make her laugh and tell her jokes.
39. Humor is great, but there are also times when joking is not appropriate.
40. Master all 5 love languages of quality time, gifts, acts of service, physical touch, and words of affirmation. Then, discover her language for that moment, speak it and express it often.
41. Don't win the battle, only to lose the war.
42. Melt her with your unconditional love and commitment.
43. Be prepared to be tested. She needs to know cognitively and emotionally that she can depend upon the strength and durability of your love.
44. A decision made out of anger is always a bad decision.
45. Don't use the word "divorce" to leverage your position in a fight. Or, the other person may call your bluff and the results disastrous.
46. Always present good options. Then, make good choices.
47. One of the greatest gifts you can give your children is a loving and passionate marriage.
48. Seek first to understand, before trying to be understood.
49. Don't coach your wife.
50. Give her absolute freedom to fully express whatever she feels.
51. Love never fails. If it seems like it's failing, then seek to find a fuller expression of love.
52. There are some things in life where 99.99% isn't enough - apologizing to your wife is one of them.
53. Treat your wife in a manner you want your future son-in-law to treat your daughter.
54. Your wife needs you to be an oak tree, not a sapling. Be the one that can withstand the raging winds and storms without wavering.
55. Never be too prideful to admit fault, or merely hold your stance just to win.
56. Don't be stupid.
57. If needed, know when to step away and ask for some time. Then, come back right away to talk things through fully.
58. Never take out your frustration physically during an argument. No throwing things, breaking things, hitting things (includes banging your head on the car).
59. Be quick to take responsibility and say "I'm sorry".
60. Address all issues while they are little.
61. Make sure you have accountability and a group of brothers that not only ask you how your marriage is, genuinely hear and care for you, but also be bold enough to speak the truth that you may not see.
62. Bring out her happiness. When mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy.
63. Tell her daily how beautiful she is and genuinely compliment her.
64. Give thanks and be filled with gratitude for God's gift through her.
65. When you're on travel, buy her little gifts that show you're thinking of her.
66. What's greater than seeing your wife full of radiance and inner joy?
67. There is only one person that can truly say and know that "you are a good husband". The rest is just noise.
68. Remember the birth of your children. There's nothing, absolutely NOTHING, that she can't ask of you in return that even comes close to that sacrifice.
